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A guide to dating in the Internet
age
Dating. The mere mention of the word
can send men scurrying for cover and put women in a panic.
Of course, sensible people have many ways of successfully
handling romance, and naturally the Internet can play
a part in modern matchmaking.
From the giant portals to your hometown
newspaper's online classifieds, personal ads are everywhere.
Many of these collections have photos, and some come with
complete bio information and stats (whatever happened
to the art of conversation?), while others have "dating"
categories unsuitable for general discussion!
If you're looking for "romance" of
this latter type, you'll have to do some looking on your
own. But if you're serious about finding a partner online,
the Internet can be a terrific resource for finding that
"special someone" no matter what age you are.
Meeting someone online — at
least in the initial stages — can be both impersonal
and uncertain. It's your responsibility to learn as much
as you can about someone while at the same time exercising
a high degree of caution, skepticism and common sense.
There may be nothing wrong with sweeping someone off his
or her feet (or getting swept), as long as you're not
willing to end up in the dustbin.
Romance that begins online can blossom
as happily as any other; just keep in mind the all-too-easy
potential for deception made possible by the "shield"
of a keyboard and monitor. Be sure to reach your own level
of comfort before taking any next steps.
The place to start your online amour
isn't staring deeply into your computer screen. Rather,
gaze at your own reflection in a mirror and make an honest
appraisal of what you see. If you're serious about romance,
honesty isn't the best policy; it's the only policy! You're
going to have to fill out online profiles of yourself,
and sooner or later, the truth will come out — even
the smallest exaggeration or white lie has the potential
to ruin a potentially great relationship, so keep it real.
Next write down a description of
yourself, focusing on your positive qualities. Make a
list of your accomplishments, likes, dislikes and desires
in life. Then, think about the qualities you'd like in
a mate, and write those out too. If you're having trouble
appraising yourself, go online and take a personality
assessment test.
These tests might not be the most
scientific way to get to know yourself, but it can be
a great place to start. For a battery of test choices,
try out www.2h.com.
Or if you'd like a straightforward assessment, go to the
OD personality profiler (www.od-online.com/webpage/intro.htm).
Once you're comfortable with what
you've got, gather together your notes along with a couple
of your best digital photos. Now you're ready to create
a knock-out profile. Think of your profile as the cyber
equivalent of a first conversation after a chance encounter.
You want to make it interesting, but not too revealing.
Your profile is a unique introduction,
and a chance to express who you are and what you're like.
You don't have to write like a Pulitzer-winning author,
but try to pick a style that reflects your interests:
Write a poem, use humor or tell a story, and let the real
you show through.
If you want some writing tips, head
to www.cyberdating.net/tips.html,
or if you're doing pretty good but just can't find that
right word or need to check spelling, use the free Merriam-Webster
online dictionary and thesaurus at www.webster.com.
Don't think that you need to appear "perfect" in your
profile. Little faults are what make you human and approachable,
and could make a great tale to tell your children some
day!
If you have the option to create
your headline, be creative and original. Forget the plain
"Single Male seeks..." and find a title that actually
says something about you instead of just defining your
demographic. Stand out from the crowd and create interest
with a title that has a touch of mystery, humor or enthusiasm.
So when it's time to fire up the
modem and set your course for a new adventure, just where
are you going to go to find true romance online? A good
place to start is at one of the larger sites, which generally
offer listings in all kinds of categories. Singles with
Scruples (www.singleswithscruples.com) is a promising
site that offers a free trial, although free searches
can only be sorted by country or state.
There are many full-service online
dating resources with customizable searching by age, location,
appearance, lifestyle and more, including One
and Only or Match.
Most of these services come at a price (typically $15
and up, per month), so be sure to make use of any free
trial time to find out if your potential service offers
a large enough "pool" to meet your requirements.
With so many choices at the larger
sites, you may find that you're getting lost in the shuffle.
Instead of using the "biggest net" approach, use the power
of the Internet to narrow your search to people who more
closely share your interests or background. It's time
to specialize!
If religion plays a large part in
your life, take a look at some of the numerous sites that
are devoted to people of a specific faith. For Christians,
try out www.singlec.com,
while Catholics might like www.catholicsingles.com
and http://jewishmatch.com
is a good place for Jewish people to start.
If your beliefs are more metaphysical,
then navigate to http://astralhearts.com,
while Pagans might find a match at www.waningmoon.com/paganpersonals,
and www.qsector.com
is a site focusing on gay and lesbian relationships.
There are
also online dating services for seniors (www.seniorfriendfinder.com
or www.seniorscircle.com),
and for people who are vegetarian (www.veggiedate.com),
vegan (www.living-foods.com/personals)
or animal lovers (www.animalpeople.com).
Once you've found a service you like,
sharpen your e-mail skills and test the waters. Do remember
to use basic safety: Never give out your real full name,
phone number or address until you are ready and feel comfortable.
Use an anonymous e-mail account for your profile and correspondence,
available from Hotmail,
Yahoo
or Excite.
If you think you've found love online
why not put it to the test first? See if you're really
compatible at Love
Test, or try a shareware program like Universal
Biorhythms to plot your compatibility. Whether you
find true love or not, always keep your online dating
fun and safe!
Kim Komando is a national talkshow host, syndicated
columnist, computer editor and best-selling author. Her
works have appeared in such publications as USA TODAY,
the Los Angeles Times and Popular Mechanics. In cyberspace,
she can be found at www.komando.com. Got a question for
Kim? Put a call into the Kim Komando Computer Show - toll-free
at 1-888-825-5254, on Saturdays between 10 a.m. and 1
p.m. ET. Or e-mail her at komando@komando.com.
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